The 30 Day Asexuality Challenge – Day 3

3) How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it?

I think it was sometime in eighth grade when I was thirteen that I realized that I was fundamentally not getting something when friends and people I knew, including someone who was eleven at the time, started talking about how cute that actor was and sighing over how hot that musician was. I didn’t understand what criteria they were using to make those judgements or why whatever criteria they used made someone “hot”. Sometimes they’d ask me what I thought, and my answer usually went along the lines of  “…uhhhhh.” This realization that I wasn’t getting something solidified in ninth grade when people I knew started dating and I figured I just didn’t see other people “that way”. I didn’t find boys or girls attractive, at that time I had never really had a crush on someone (in my mind, a crush meant that I wanted to date that person), and I had absolutely no idea why.

Sometime in January during my senior year of high school, a number of things occurred one day that led me to ask the internet what the fuck was going on with me, and that’s where I first learned about the concept of asexuality as a sexual orientation. However, as soon as I learned about it, I backed away from it. It was late at night, I was tired, my emotions were running high. Asexuality was way too weird and abnormal, and if so few people were asexual, then it was probably extremely unlikely I could be asexual. There had to be another, more palatable, answer.

Then in May, on the evening of my last day of high school, after a conversation with some friends about attraction and how you knew you were attracted to someone, I returned to the internet, went back to all the pages I’d previously visited about asexuality, carefully read them, and started to grudgingly accept the fact that me being asexual was the best possible explanation for all that I felt and did, or in this case, didn’t feel or do. And then, of course, it took me another six months to fully accept it and start owning my identity rather than just trying it on like a new pair of shoes.

So yeah. Took me a while, but I got there eventually.

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Published in: on July 8, 2011 at 10:34 PM  Leave a Comment  

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